Living life as a deliberate creator means that you take 100% responsibility for your mood and your vibration. That means that when you are rolling high, you are responsible. When you are wallowing low, well, you are responsible for that too. Rolling high is the road to living a positive life, but even the highest road can have potholes, speedbumps, and need maintenance. Especially if you have kids (or others) that can bring you down.
That Doesn’t Seem Fair! Or Does It?
When I first began to listen to Esther Hick’s messages from Abraham, I can clearly remember her speaking on the topic of controlling your own mood. She was talking about doing whatever it takes to get “tuned in, tapped in, and turned on” and keeping that feeling for thirty days. Then she quipped, “Sorry kids, you’re going to live with Grandma!” I can clearly recall the sensation of my morning coffee hot in my sinuses as I snorted, gagged, and laughed.
So I went into my son’s room, pulled out the suitcase and broke the news. Just kidding. No matter how well my son knows my hot buttons, I can’t imagine going thirty days without him. Plus, grandma lives six blocks away, I’m pretty sure he’d wander home on his own. Unless he took the Xbox…
The hardest lesson I’ve come up against in my new life of deliberate creation is maintaining my vibration in the face of adversity. And as I said before, few know your buttons as much as your family. Certainly they are not the only thing that can cause you to lose a high, but chances are they are the ones that do it the most.
It’s About Investment.
Yesterday, as I sat at a red light, I watched a pickup truck with a trailer attempt several times to pull out of the Circle K parking lot. We were on Tamiami Trail, and weekdays, between five pm and six pm, it doesn’t matter if you are in Tampa, Miami, or all the cities in between, you are almost certain to be in traffic. But that’s cool, traffic Zen is one of the first things I mastered with Law of Attraction.
So I’m watching this truck and the traffic and I decide that if he can’t make it out before the light turns green, I would pause and let him enter traffic. As Mr. Roger’s would say, I decided to be a helper. And that is exactly how it went down. Light turned green, I entered the intersection, and as I got to the store’s parking lot entrance, I slowed and motioned the truck into the lane. There was much head nodding and hand waving and general good will.
At first, I didn’t even hear it, but he was persistent. Someone had been laying on their horn that entire time. I looked in my review mirror to see a powder blue minivan behind me with a wrinkled arm hanging out the side shaking a finger at me. You know which one, the middle digit, the bird, the “bad finger” as my kid used to say. No sooner than I notice it, the minivan darts into the lane next to me, causing those cars to screech their brakes, and as it roars by, I see the window is down and the driver yells, “ASSHOLE”.
I had two simultaneous thoughts as he whipped by: 1) Chill, you came down here to relax, remember? 2) That’s probably someone’s grandpa. Y’all, I laughed all the way to the store. Heck, he gave me the best laugh I have had in days. I even chuckled several times as I shopped. Sure, I ticked someone off, but I honestly know that’s his problem not mine.
Then I forgot about it. (Well, until I needed a situation to demonstrate part of my point here.) I was in a high mood, someone in a lower frequency bounced off of me, and I responded by achieving an even higher mood. Ah, strangers.
Closer to Home
With family, though, there are higher stakes. I can think of no one that we put a more investment in than a child we are attempting to raise into a strong, capable adult. And while children are no less responsible for their own vibrations than adults, they must learn it for themselves. Until that time, we have to use our own navigation for that guardianship.
I’m not the type of parent to demand that my child be happy with the parenting decisions that I make. Does that even work? Growing up, I knew several families where the parents tried, but I know that these friends only managed to hide their emotions until they were in a safe place to unleash their anger without being overheard. That doesn’t mean that I like it when my kid is angry at me or that I even have to listen to it. I’m a big fan of “I understand you’re angry, but take it somewhere else.”
Allowing kids time and space to work through their emotions is pretty important, but it’s no less important to let the parents have time and space to work through their emotions when there’s been conflict as well. It’s hard when someone you love with all your heart and soul, no matter what, says or does something mean to you. And that discord will drag you down quickly if you let it.
What Do You Do When the Kid(s) Get(s) the Better of You?
The best thing you can do when these conflicts arise, is be prepared for them. It’s easier if you know what’s coming at you, such as when you get one of those calls. You know, the ones from the teacher, principal, caregiver, other parent. When that happens, you can get yourself centered and think through how you are going to handle it and any fallout from the conversation.
However, many times you don’t get a warning. That’s when spending a portion of every day centering yourself, like through meditation, really helps you out. If you are calm, cool, and collected most of the time, returning to that place is easier. And it’s okay to declare a time out between the disclosure of the issue and the conversation of the issue. At first, my son used to think of these times as torture, just “waiting for the axe to fall”. Then he began to realize that if I took the time to collect myself to respond, it was always better than when I had a kneejerk reaction. (Now there’s nothing worse than him coming home and asking, first thing in the door, if I’ve meditated today.)
The other thing that helps in conflict situations is understanding that your child(ren) will push your buttons. They will do or say things that cause conflict in your household and possibly make your blood boil. That’s what they do. If we had been given an owner’s manual with each child, the first five pages would be full of cautions and disclaimers, much like your car’s manual. Sure, we don’t think of this as a part of the territory. I mean, no matter how bad it got, we never once saw Carol Brady just loose her cool and freak out all over one of the kids. We just saw “concern” and “worry”, which are genuine parts of parenting. I just think that if we had once seen Mike throw out a good forty seconds of bleeped out dialogue we’d have more realistic expectations. I mean, isn’t that why we all love the old man from A Christmas Story?
Centering yourself is the best way to roll through each and every day. Co-creating with your kids means that they have a part to play in what gets attracted to the relationship. Making sure your part is as cool, calm and collected as possible will help both of you through anything that life brings to you. And if you lose that mojo, it’s perfectly okay to tell your kid, “Look, I’ve got to get myself together. This isn’t done, we will get back to it, but if we are both centered we can work through it.” Then go do it. Take a shower, meditate (this is a great place to utilize a guided meditation as the more worked up you are, the harder it can be to let go), but as soon as you can, get back to the matter at hand.
The Big Finish
Once you have dealt with the problem or issue, it’s normal to look for re-occurring patterns and try to head things off at the pass, so to speak. Just don’t dwell on it and invite more trouble. Look for the best in your kids and expect to get it. Look for satisfaction in their every day and you will find it. Sometimes you have to dig around, but there is always something good going on in your child’s life. Focus on that and it will expand.