The Old Support Network
Successful people often have cynics in their lives. When you become successful in a way that is unfamiliar to others, the issue can be compounded even more. Others often cannot enjoy your success, and it feels like they don’t want you to enjoy it as well. That’s even worse when you are in the mood to celebrate. You have to make sure you don’t let others bring you down.
A few days ago, I received a comment on the post Mind Games: Playing with Your Beliefs that really got me to thinking about this subject.
Here is an excerpt from that comment:
To this day even though I’ve changed careers, reconditioned so many thoughts and patterns and behaviours to serve me, I still get family and friends trying to hold me back with their limiting beliefs even though I am doing soooo much better! To quote Morrissey, do you think that family and friends hate it when our friends become successful? From my experience it seems like they do. :/
When I read this comment, I totally understood what she meant. I’ve had similar conversations in the not too distant past.
As we go through life, most of us have built a support network with our families and friends. We celebrate birthdays together, mourn death together, and gather at the holidays for fellowship and cheer. So what happens when your perceived support network doesn’t seem to support you?
You’ve Challenged the System
When you’ve had to challenge your beliefs and thoughts in the area of your success, you may often find that you will have to go it alone or find another network of like-minded individuals. For instance, many of us grew up with this model:
Get good grades, go to college, get your foot in the door of a company or open a store front business, work hard, get married, get a mortgage, have kids, and retire.
As kids, we didn’t know anyone outside that model except for one neighbor that was a real estate agent. Anytime he changed brokerages, the neighborhood whispered about how he would never get ahead “bouncing around” like that. Well, it certainly never hurt the Cadillac in his driveway. He got a new one every other year. (And after reading Rich Dad, Poor Dad and The Millionaire Next Door, I’m betting his net worth was more than all of the other neighbors combined.)
If you’ve had to work on your own paradigms and beliefs and your support network was around (like family) when you were taught them, you are challenging their thoughts too. It can be the same with your longtime friends. There may have been talk about doing things differently than our parents while we were in college, but how many of them ended up in the ‘burbs with the 2.5 kids and a 30 year fixed mortgage?
The Two Way Street
Let me be clear: I am not knocking that model. I believe that if you have something going for you that makes you happy and fulfilled, keep doing it! Just make sure that when you see or hear about someone that is not following that model and they are having success, you support them.
You do not have to understand what someone is going through to support them. You do not have to understand a person’s thoughts to support them. You do not have to like, agree, or understand anything about a person to be genuinely happy when they are finding their own definition of success.
Just make sure that as you would like them to be happy and support you that you keep it a two way street.
They Don’t Understand Your Success
There are different reasons why people may not see your success as success. They may not understand what you do. They may feel like it’s too risky. My mother doesn’t seem to get it at all. She’s pretty internet savvy for her mid-70’s but spends most of that time on Facebook, shopping, or her banking website. She refers to my book sales as “Working for Amazon” and that’s what she tells her friends. Sadly it doesn’t stop her from mentioning every help wanted ad she sees that matches up with my past life.
Granny, my mom’s mother, wants nothing to do with the internet, which I get. She’s 93 and has lived a long time without it. I just tell her I write. Even my son refers to my days as “staring at the computer” like I’m sitting here watching cat videos. (OMG, have you seen the poor kitty that’s on the ultralight plane?)
Some people may be genuinely afraid for you and your future if you’re models and systems are far removed from what they use in their lives. They may worry that your income isn’t steady or that you won’t have anything for retirement. The may worry that you don’t have employer provided health insurance.
You may also be reflecting their own fears about their future. They may secretly wish to have the kind of freedoms and liberties that you appear to have or take the risks they have perceived you have taken. This often goes hand in hand with jealousy.
When someone bucks the system, so to speak, there are often those around you who wish they could do the same. They may be limiting themselves to doing what they do and never deviating from the pack. When you show signs of success, it may play with their own feelings of self-doubt and that leads to jealousy.
I have a friend that often remarks, “I wish I had time to just drop everything and run to the beach.” He doesn’t understand that while my time is my own, if I am not working, I’m not earning. Long gone are the days of my fixed salary and paid time off. If I spend an entire afternoon at a doctor’s appointment with my mother, I am up until 2 or 3 in the morning putting time into a project. Same with impromptu beach trips, vet appointments, or school field trips. A flexible schedule is often mistaken for not having to work at what you do.
You Can Retain Your Vibration
First off, find yourself a network or community of like-minded people. It’s nice if you have someone who can meet you for coffee, but you do not have to limit yourself to people who are nearby. There are Facebook groups, google + groups, message boards, and other places online that can offer you support, guidance, and mentors.
I belong to an online community that is amazing. Not only do they understand what I do, they want me to succeed and the feeling is mutual. We all band together to help each other and when I run up against a question at 2 a.m., there is always someone around to help.
Last Christmas I gave myself the ultimate gift. I gave myself permission to stop explaining what I do, why I do it, how I do it, and anything else that may come up. When people ask me how things are going, I answer only in the vaguest terms. If they ask specific questions, I do answer them, but I try to keep it as general as I can.
This is especially helpful when I am on a roll manifesting and they perceive that things are going “too good” for me.
“How did you do that?” they ask.
“Oh, you know, just rolling with the flow,” I’ll answer.
Don’t Let Others Bring You Down
Like mosquitoes in the summer, Negative Nancies and Out of Luck Chucks are going to cross your path occasionally. When you have a high vibration, you don’t encounter them in your daily life because Law of Attraction does not see them as a match. So think about where you are likely to encounter them.
Office gatherings, family get-togethers, neighborhood barbeques, Home Owner Association meetings, and school functions are all examples of meetings that involve people of different vibrations. Examine your history with these types of functions and you will begin to see a pattern. You will probably even expect these encounters before you arrive at the function. (That dang Aunt Edna, she corners me every single time about getting a real job!) This expectation does not serve you because Law of Attraction brings you what you think about.
Preparing ahead of time is key for keeping your mind high. Visualize the event and allow yourself to feel the surprise and delight of it going smooth and stress-free. See yourself talking and laughing with others, even the ones that usually annoy you. Get yourself to an expectation level that things are going to be easy and fantastic.
Along with your expectations, try practicing some generalizations and phrases to dole out if you do get cornered. Be general, upbeat, and positively bubbly about your life. Don’t feel as if you have to explain anything to anyone. Knowing you have replies worked out ahead of time can help you dispel any negative expectations you may usually have at these types of events.
Do you have friends or family that seems to bring you down when you are being successful? What kinds of tips and tools do you use to deal with them? I’d love to know, so drop it in the comments below.